I lost it all...

Safe Haven Recovery Team
Apr 5, 2016
2 min read

I make it a practice to never take advice from someone who hasn’t been there – so I’ll tell you my story and then how I actually got through my own personal hell.

I lost it all in less than 2 months. My job. My health. My relationship. My sanity. My freedom. Wham.

I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge that though I give the prescription drugs their share of the credit for these things – the choices I made were always mine.

My relationship ended when I took a positive pregnancy test while dating a man who never wanted to commit to anything. My health ended when I started bleeding 6 weeks later and sought no medical care due to an overwhelming depression and grief resulting in a massive infection. My job ended when controlled medications came up missing at work. My sanity ended when my father passed away suddenly in a car crash. And my freedom ended when I purchased a massive quantity of prescription drugs from an undercover officer.

This was what my personal hell looked like. I had never experienced my entire life falling apart all at once. If you’ve ever been there or are there now, you know what I mean. It’s that darkest hour when you have no idea what to mourn first or even where to begin putting the pieces back together.

So what did I do?

First, I agreed to go to treatment for drugs and alcohol to avoid what could have potentially been a lengthy prison sentence. And in rehab, I learned how to be happy. One of my counselors advised me that when I first woke up in the morning, before ever leaving bed, I needed to come up with 5 things I was appreciative of and that were good about either life, myself or my upcoming day. So I did. Some mornings it was harder than others, but it got easier.

I learned to pray not for answers, but for guidance and for the strength to make the right decisions. I learned to pray for myself and for the life that I was fighting to get back. I kept moving toward what I wanted – my sanity and stability back.

I thought out my worst case scenarios in a peaceful place and talked them out. Ok – so I might have to ask a friend to buy me lunch when I’m broke, or take a walk in the sun when I’m feeling stressed out, or make an extra appointment with a counselor to address when the depression and anxiety build up. I might even have to couch surf for a little bit until I get back on my feet. But none of that is tragic! Having a back up plan for everything made me feel like it would all be ok.

Mostly though, I continue every day to remind myself – that in the end, I am never really broken, just broken open.